How To Survive 2012

Before and after photographs of Banda Aceh after the 2004 tsunami.

I had no idea just how much craziness and downright stupidity I would encounter in my search of end of the world predictions. Theories about how the world will end range from research into dragons, Egypt and the hidden Hall of Records, planet X, pole shifts and the prophecies of the Mayans, Nostradamus, Zecharia Sitchin and anyone else who may have had a disturbing nightmare. But, the most fun I’ve had was reading up on how to survive all the terrible calamities that planet Earth will face on the 21st December 2012. There are a few websites with survival guides, so I’ve taken the tips that they all have in common and will list them here for you.

1.Where to go.

The general consensus is that the safest place to be in 2012 is as far inland as possible and as high as possible. North and South America seems to be considered the worst off of all the continents, Europe is ok and Australia is a no-no. Nothing is mentioned about Africa or South Africa, so I’m guessing this would be the safest place to be in 2012.

2. Build a bunker.

All survival guides say that building a bunker is your best bet for surviving the upheaval, but let’s look at this proposal rationally in light of the predicted cataclysms. If I build an underground bunker, won’t the tremendous upheaval of a pole shift crush said bunker? Won’t all those world changing earthquakes destroy my bunker? What about rock falls, lava flows, landslides or collapsed buildings that may bury my bunker?
Do you see where my line of thought is going?
One website suggests lining your bunker with soft iron to protect electric items and the whole bunker from electro magnetic radiation – this is in case Armageddon comes in the form of electro magnetic storms or a gamma ray burst - and it also suggests using a lead lined box or faraday cage to protect your computer. That’s all very well, but what about all those things on the outside of your bunker that aren’t protected by soft iron? I’m no scientist, but if Earth is bombarded by intense electro magnetic storms or a gamma ray burst, won’t all our satellites and electric power grids be fried? And if it’s turned upside down by a pole shift, all those utilities would be rendered useless anyway, so computers and cell phones would be obsolete.

3.Prepare an emergency kit.

Most give lists of the usual things like food, water and medical supplies. One, however, gave a list of supplies for specific events like tsunamis caused by pole shifts and eruptions of supervolcanoes. Lets say the Earth undergoes a pole shift – you know the one where the entire crust moves – just think about the kind of tsunami that would be generated. Flashback to 26th December 2004, Banda Aceh – there was NOTHING left of that seaside town, so I think that a life preserver, inflatable rubber rafts, and rope are going to be pretty fucking useless if you live on the coast and a 100m high tsunami is bearing down on you. Ditto the oxygen breathing apparatus, gas masks, shovel, plenty of water, and radio communication in the event of a supervolcanic eruption because you won’t even have time to kiss your ass goodbye.
Yet another survival guide lists some of the following items: -
a. Seeds of vegetables, grains and rice. Seed-potatoes. – Useless in the event of a tsunami – top soil will be stripped away, and just as useless after a supervolcanic eruption – you won’t be able grow anything in the resulting thick layer of ash, and the sun will probably be blocked out by the ash and volcanic gases for months or years.
b. Detailed maps of the whole world.. – Totally useless if an earth changing pole shift occurs.
c. Maps to locate minerals and oils. – Surely cataclysmic crustal movements and changes would render these maps obsolete too?

4. Personal Protection.

This was my favourite one! Use a TINFOIL HAT for protection against electro magnetic waves and mind control. I’m not too sure why we’d have to worry about mind control – perhaps there are one or two budding Doctor Evils in 2012 doomsday cult circles.

What these survival websites do have in common is a belief that if they survive the cataclysms of 2012, they alone will be responsible for creating a “paradise-like civilization that can rule on earth within a few hundreds to thousands of years.” Which, for me, is a little too close to Hitler’s vision of a thousand year Reich where everyone one lives in a perfect world, governed by perfect people. It’s all a fantasy.

Yes, there are natural threats that can affect life on Earth. There is the possibility of asteroids,comet strikes and gamma ray bursts, there are earthquakes, volcanoes and tsunamis. Sometimes we able to see one of these threats coming, most of the time we don’t. There is no special ancient knowledge which can foretell disasters, there are no prophets who can predict the future,and there are no religious books that can help us to avert these natural dangers that we face. There are no conspiracies hiding the “truth” or aliens on a mission to save us from ourselves. Anyone who tries to convince us otherwise is in it for profit or is seriously deluded.

I don’t know when I’m going to die but I do know that that is my destiny. I don’t want to waste the time I have worrying about something that may or may not happen. Think about how much time these 2012 doomsayers have invested in researching the Mayan calendar, Nostradamus, Nibiru, dragons, the I-Ching, aliens, and god knows how many other ridiculous fantasies. Now imagine what they could have achieved had they spent that amount of energy in educating themselves about things that really matter, like cleaning the environment, or finding a cure for AIDS, or finding a way to feed billions of starving people, or bringing an end to war. There’s nothing wrong with trying to make the world a better place; it can be achieved without scaring people and trying to profit from those fears and insecurities.

I can’t wait for the 21st December 2012 because I’m really interested to see what these websites are going to say when yet another doomsday prediction passes by uneventfully. My best bet is that they’ll recheck Nostradamus’ quatrains, re-read Zecharia Sitchin’s badly translated Sumerian texts, and look for mistakes in the Mayan Calendar to explain why they had it wrong and come up with a whole new date for the end of the world, mark my words – but they will never admit that they are wrong.

Please go here, and read James Randi’s list of other doomsday predictions that failed.